You work out of a Hotel?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize