He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
