Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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