4 words: hood of his car
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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