My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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