It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize