Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
