if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
