My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
