is your mom at the bar?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize