Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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