having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
