THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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