So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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