laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
