She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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