my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
