I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
