When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
