FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize