if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
