Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
