He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
