so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
