thus making me awesome and them whores
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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