never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
