oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
