fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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