cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
