when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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