I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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