let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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