Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
