Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
