for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
