We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
