There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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