We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
