I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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