So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
