your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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