Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
