So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
