The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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