OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
