life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize