Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
