Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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