he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
