God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
