The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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