I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
