Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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