Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize