I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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