my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
