Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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