Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
