If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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