Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
