She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
