burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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