I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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